


Family Ties

by thesammtimes



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Multi, also minseoks dick, and sehun is a spoiled brat, basically jongin showed up to france looking a hot mess, chanyeol is always a hot mess, really tho dick pics included
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 10:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14809352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesammtimes/pseuds/thesammtimes
Summary: leeyoochan has started a chat Where Are My Sons?





	Family Ties

**Author's Note:**

> Suho: leeyoochan  
> Jongin: ninibear  
> Sehun: ohbooty  
> Xiumin: minnie  
> Baekhyun: bigbootybaek  
> Chen: chenasaurus  
> Kyungsoo: kyungsoo  
> Yixing: baaaaah  
> Chanyeol: guitargod69

leeyoochan started a group chat  _ Where are my sons? _

 

**kyungsoo:** jfc

 

kyungsoo has left the chat   
leeyoochan has invited kyungsoo to join the chat

 

**leeyoochan:** knock it off, kyungsoo or I’ll make you be roommates with chanyeol again.

 

**bigbootybaek:** dude why is ur username your character’s name in ur show

 

**leeyoochan:** I have to embody the character in every way to further my acting skills. It helps me really bring the character to life.

 

**chenasaurus:** isn’t ur character kind of an asshole? wut further embodiment needs to happen?

 

**bigbootybaek:** kyungsoo never had to do that and he’s pretty good at acting.

 

**ohbooty:** lol burn

 

**bigbootybaek:** wtf Sehun change ur ursername im the booty not you

 

**ohbooty:** no.

 

**chenasaurus:** bigbootybaek? more like bottombootybaek

 

**guitargod69:** LMFAO #rekt

  
**leeyoochan:** Anyway, while I was busy fulfilling my career as an actor I couldn’t help but notice the two youngest are gone. Not just gone, but out of the country. Who authorized this?

 

**minnie:** Um...you did?

 

**leeyoochan:** I most certainly did not.

 

**bigbootybaek:** yeah….u did tho u probably dont remember because they got u wasted on a bottle of raspberry wine and made sweet sweet love to u and u say yes to anything they ask when they gang up on u like that.

**bigbootybaek:** whose the bottom now bitch

 

**chenasaurus:** still u but baek makes a valid point

 

**bigbootybaek:** man fuck u

 

**chenasaurus:** later cupcake :*

 

**guitargod69:** wait, sehun and jongin left?

 

**kyungsoo:** jfc

 

**chenasaurus:** maybe if u ever left ur hidey hole ud notice when any of us actually go do...you know...work….

 

**guitargod69:** oh yeah btw, fuck u and ur cbx bs saying i dont do shit ya’ll are the assholes not yoochan

 

**leeyoochan:** Thank you, Chanyeol.

 

**guitargod69:** ur welcome...so can i have $40?

 

**leeyoochan:** No, go get a real job like the rest of us.

 

**guitargod69:** i HAVE A REAL JOB ITS WORKING WITH YOU ASSHATS 

 

**bigbootybaek:** anywAY i think what mom was getting at is we let the babies go out on their own and jongin wrecked himself before he checked himself.

 

**baaaaah:** elaborate pls

 

**bigbootybaek:** oh hey bby :*

 

**baaaaah:** hey :*

 

 **bigbootybaek:** [ image](https://78.media.tumblr.com/dd3f7da41e4af05366ae41643d05a47d/tumblr_p9k670K3q21riav2to1_1280.jpg).

 

**kyungsoo:** jfc

**guitargod69:** pffFFFT WHAT THE FUXK

 

**ninibear:** shut up chanyeol you cant even dress yourself without someones help at least i got invited to an event where’s your invite?

 

**guitargod69:** bro i once wore a cum stained hoodie and 15-day old sweats to the airport and still looked more fashionable than that

 

**ohbooty:** lol get rekt jongin

 

**ninibear:** fuck you sehun

 

**ohbooty:** been there done that

**ohbooty:** anyway 

**ohbooty:** the more important thing here is that i was voted best dressed as per usual i am the supreme member of this group

 

**kyungsoo:** jfc

 

**leeyoochan:** Kyungsoo, stop. Chanyeol, don’t be mean to Jongin because quite frankly neither of you can function as adults and Sehun stop bragging we’ve been over this, it’s not polite.

 

**ohbooty:** since when have i ever been polite

 

**leeyoochan:** One of you let Jongin walk out of that dorm with this outfit in mind, and I demand answers.

 

**chenasaurus:** it was chanyeol

 

**ohbooty:** chanyeol

 

**bigbootybaek:** its chanyeols fault

 

**kyungsoo:** chanyeol

 

**minnie:** chanyeol

 

**baaaaah:** chanyeol

 

**guitargod69:** wtf yixing you werent even here?

 

**baaaaah:** baek tells me everything

 

**bigbootybaek:** we hav no secrets

 

**chenasaurus:** i really hate u both

 

**bigbootybaek:**  :*

 

**leeyoochan:** Chanyeol, how could you do this to poor Jongin? 

 

**bigbootybaek:** i think the real question is there’s 9 of us in the fucking dorm and jongin asked chanyeol who just admittedly said he wore a cum-stained sweatshirt to the airport once.

 

**minnie:** where’s the lie?

 

**ninibear:** CHANYEOL IS THE ONLY ONE EVER HOME AND I DONT HAVE A PHONE TO CALL YOU GUYS

 

**ohbooty:** whose fault is that? Stop losing shit all the time do you need to velcro it to your face?

 

**guitargod69:** first of all   
**guitargod69:** iM NOT ALWAYS AT THE DORM   
**guitargod69:** I WAS IN CALIFORNIA FOR LIKE A WEEK? 

 

**chenasaurus:** you were?

 

**bigbootybaek:** you were?

 

**leeyoochan:** Honestly, Chanyeol you can’t expect us all to keep tabs on your every move.

 

**guitargod69:** I literally hate all of you.

 

**ninibear:** are we not going to talk about jongdae and baekhyun discussing minseok’s dick at a press conference or….?

 

**leeyoochan:** They did what now?

 

**chenasaurus:** we didn’t discuss his dick directly….no one has seen him naked including me and im his roommate i want to know whats happening

 

**leeyoochan:** So you thought it best to discuss this in front of hundreds of people?

 

**chenasaurus:** naturally

 

**leeyoochan:** Can I do nothing? I trusted you three because Minseok was with you, but now I see he has no control over you and you’re banned from public speaking until further notice.

 

**bigbootybaek:** thanks a lot nini. Go put your head dress back.

 

**ninibear:** fuck you baek i have news for you and jongdae   
**ninibear:** ive seen his dick

 

**chenasaurus:** ayfkm

 

**ninibear:** nope. 

 

**minnie:** oh yeah...jongin and me showered together once. i forgot, usually no one is up when i get up but jongin’s sleep schedule is never consistent.

 

**chenasaurus:** ayfkm

 

**bigbootybaek:** first of all   
**bigbootybaek:** how big is he

 

**minnie:** Baekhyun.

 

**leeyoochan:** Byun Baekhyun don’t make me ban you from speaking altogether.

 

**bigbootybaek:** I WANT TO KNOW IM JUST CURIOUS

 

**guitargod69:** u just wanna touch yourself to the thought of it in your ass later

 

**bigbootybaek:** jealous?

 

**guitargod69:** in ur dreams small fry

 

**ohbooty:** small fry? seriously?

 

**chenasaurus:** ayfkm   
**chenasaurus:** ive been ur roommate for how long??????

**chenasaurs:** u cant even flash me a peak???

**chenasaurs:** but crown wearing, cant dress himself mother fucker has seen your cash and prizes?

 

**minnie:** Jongdae, really?

 

**ninibear:** man fuck u jongdae next time ill suck his dick just to spite you

 

**leeyoochan:** Jongin!

 

**ninibear:** He started it!!

 

**minnie:** okay no one is sucking my dick, especially none of you disgusting heathens.

**minnie:** and we really need to move past the obsession of seeing me naked.

 

**guitargod69:** you know they wont stop until they see it

 

**kyungsoo:** string cheese makes a point

 

**guitargod69:** omg soo did you give me a nickname?? :3

 

**ohbooty:** pretty sure it was an insult, but chanyeols right, just show us what your dick looks like

 

**bigbootybaek:** yeah show us

 

**baaaaah:** yeah show us

 

**minnie:** Yixing wtf man

 

**baaaaah:** ….i dont really have a lot going on rn im bored

 

**minnie:** Fine.   
**minnie:** But all of you have to promise to leave me alone for 2 solid months. Don’t text me, don’t call me, don’t step foot into my spotless bedroom. Got it?

 

**ohbooty:** sure np

 

**ninibear:** got it

 

**guitargod69:** aye aye captain!

 

**leeyoochan:** yeah, sure

 

**minnie:** ….really myeon?

 

**leeyoochan:** I mean...if you’re offering I’m not gonna turn down a dick pic?

 

**bigbootybaek:** that’s how he ended up with 11 children and an ex-husband.

 

**leeyoochan:** I will end you.

 

 **minnie:** [ link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ab_channel=RickAstleyVEVO).

 

**kyungsoo:** hah. Alright im out.

 

kyungsoo has left the chat.

 

**guitargod69:** honestly? should have expected this.

 

guitargod69 has left the chat.

 

**ohbooty:** tease.

 

ohbooty has left the chat.

 

**ninibear:** ive seen the real thing anyway XP

 

ninibear has left the chat.

 

**bigbootybaek:** all i can say is you better watch your back because i WILL see it eventually.

 

bigbootybaek has left the chat.

 

**baaaaah:** bye minseok! Ill ttyl! Love you guys!

 

baaaaah has left the chat.

 

**leeyoochan:** For fucks sake, someone needs to go get Sehun and Jongin before they do anymore damage.   
**leeyoochan:** Guess all the responsibility once again falls on my shoulders.

**leeyoochan:** You ungrateful shits.

 

leeyoochan has left the chat.

 

**minnie:** Still mad at me?

 

**chenasaurus:** I’m not mad...just disappointed :(

 

 **minnie:** [ image](https://78.media.tumblr.com/650951cf95243fa51ee3ab49b469821b/tumblr_messaging_p9jqremMCf1qcr9nu_250.png).

**minnie:** If you show Baek I’ll kill you.

 

**chenasaurus:** Holy shit.

**chenasaurus:** You gonna be home soon? Because….   
**chenasaurus:** I’m down.   
**chenasaurus:** Just saying….   
  


**minnie:** This is why I never showed you. 

 

**chenasaurus:** Oh come on! One blow job! Just let me taste it!!

 

minnie has left the chat.

chenasaurus has left the chat.


End file.
